I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
