i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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