Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
