i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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