is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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