I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
