having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
