Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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