I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
