Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
