You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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