I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
