Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
