Soap is not a condiment
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
