Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
