what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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