Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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