Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
