The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
