you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
