why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We don't watch enough power rangers
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
