I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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