I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
