at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
