woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
