Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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