apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
