Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
