so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
