I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
