i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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