as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
