if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
