Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
