You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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