Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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