I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
