This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
