Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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