im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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