I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
