on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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