I puked a lego.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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