I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
