Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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