If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
