i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
