come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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