I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
