you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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