he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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