I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
