So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
