why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
